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Body Parts for Life

by Mark Koch

With states finding it harder and harder to raise money through lottery sales, the great state of Mississippi hit upon a winner. The new state scratch-off lottery, called " Healthy For Life ", has as its top prize, SURGICAL PROCEDURES. That's right nobby, operations. Prizes range from removing calluses from your feet all the way to the top prize of a heart transplant. As hospitalization and doctors fees skyrocket, people are flocking to buy the new game. One senior citizen was confident she would win the lipo-suction prize as she waited in a line several hundred people long.Internal organs of all kinds are being offered. Kidneys, livers, spleens. Plastic surgery including tummy tucks, breast reduction, neck and eye surgery were all among the most desirable prizes. Officials in Mississippi said they were in constant contact with organ donors all over the world and were ready to pick up body parts at a moment's notice with their state of the art lear jet flying transplant ambulance. Mountain Dew has contributed 100 insulated picnic coolers to pack with ice to keep the organs preserved while in the jet. So if you see an ambulance racing down the street with a Mountain Dew cooler in it, just shout out the phrase that pays, " You've got my organ !" and receive a bonus body-piercing. Body parts brokers are lining up donors in Central America. People in those countries and similar third world countries will pre-sell their body parts. If you win the top prize, your heart will be ready when you need it. In addition, you will receive a monthly letter from your heart-donor. "Hi, my name is Jose , and you won my heart. It is ready whenever you need it. I am enclosing a recent x-ray, an MRI, and a CAT scan. I am also sending you a tape recording of my/your heart beating." As a bonus, the lottery commission has added a special game. Each ticket also has a special scratch-off letter. Spell out the word, " TRANSPLANT ", and you win a sex-change or you can just be neutered, whatever you like.

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