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Win A Date With A Shrubbery Columnist
That's right, a lucky person out there will have the chance to win an evening out with The Shrubbery's very own Ryan Glowczewski. An evening that could even end up blossoming into more... perhaps even a romance... (insert swank lounge music here)
The contest has had more entrants then we could possibly expect. The judges are wading through virtual mounds of e-mail, trying to find the lucky gal (or guy) to get a date with world renown humor columnist Ryan Glowczewski.
You must be mad not to enter. Ryan's fun. He's a nice gregarious guy. He's got great hair. He's both progressive and chivalrous. You get a guy who'll support you in your fight against a male dominated world, and at the same time open the door for you and leave the toilet seat down.
How can you lose?
Why aren't you entering in droves? Do you want to lose to one of only three different women, spread accross the US as they are? You have a chance! Why not take it!?!
So, "Why should I enter," you ask? Well why not? Besides the fact that you'll be dating an honest-to-God celebrity, there's also the facts that this will be all-expenses paid, he'll probably bring you flowers or something, and, above all else, the date will become a photo drama in an upcoming Shrubbery! You'll be imortalized on the Internet, where millions of people can see you!!! Instant
C'mon, what is wrong with you people?
We've made entering as easy as pie. All you have to do is e-mail email@example.com with an essay about why you should win. Length is up to you. What goes in the essay is up to you. We can suggest that you put your intrests, aspirations, likes and dislikes and whatnot, but if you want to write a crazy, bizzare, theater of the absurd inspired piece, feel free. Not only might Ryan be interested, but he isn't the only judge, and the others might love to stick him with someone slightly insane.
You also need to include your real name, your general geographic location (State, distance from a major city), and, if possible a picture... yeah, we know, if he's so open minded, why is he looking for a picture? Well, since you don't know about the "Stacy Incident", we'll just say, c'mon, physical attraction is pretty important. It will really help if you can write your name on your picture. If you can't figure out how to email a picture, ask and we'll work something out.
The contest deadline is tentatively January 17th, but it's going to be extended, if you don't enter soon. We'll give you time! C'mon!
If you win, we will contact you via e-mail within one week of the final deadline. The winner may bring a friend along, and this is suggested for safety of "Meeting some Internet person". Said friends' expenses will not be paid. A photographer from The Srubbery (a friend of Ryan) will be coming along for this reason and to record the event.
Now, the fine print:
Two Things to Remember: