January 1999
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What we got for Christmas

| Jessica | Jason | Ryan | Jesse |


In addition to my new digital camera, I got a life size Agent Dana Scully doll. Aint it cute?


Ryan got a Scary Spice and something else. What is that again, Ryan?

What I Didn't Get For Christmas

By Jessica Brandt

Christmas is a time for giving, or so I've heard. This year, I gave till it hurt. Literally. I spent so much money, I had to sell some plasma to pay for the credit card bill. Ever see those plasma-sucking needles? Yikes!

And I did get some good stuff. Didn't get as much loot as some of my friends (like Fact Boy, who has a hundred relatives, and gets a hundred cool toys each Christmas), but I'm satisfied with pretty much everything I got.

Now, as for what I DIDN'T get...well that's another story. For instance, I, like any good human being should, asked for World Peace. Far as I know, the UN still has their hands hovering over the button, so World Peace is not on the horizon.

Another thing I didn't get was the toy I really wanted. It was like the Red Ryder BB gun for me. I saw this toy in the store and told my mom every day since how much I wanted it. I talked to my friends about it. I had dreams about it. I even considered going to the mall (if indeed I shopped at the mall) and asking Santa for it. I saw a package under the tree that resembled it, but alas, come Christmas morning, all of the gifts had been opened, and I had not gotten my toy. I half-expected my dad to say "Hey, what's that in the corner over there?" and there would be my gift, all wrapped up and hidden. But it wasn't.

"That's okay," I thought to myself, "There's still two more family Christmases to go!" Since I'm 20 years old, I was able to hide my excitement mixed with disappointment and didn't throw a fit like I did when I was seven and asked for a bike and my brother got one instead. I still didn't get over THAT one...

So we had our family Christmas with my dad's family. No dice. I got some lovely shirts, tho. Then came Christmas with mom's family. I was almost certain Aunt Diane would come through. The would buy me anything I wanted. She rules. I took a look around the tree, and saw some gifts that looked like they could be big enough to be my toy. But all the toys were for my little six-year-old cousin. The bastard. I didn't get my toy. Instead, I got some cool CD ROM games, and a card, that contained $80 and a note which read:

Dear Jessica,
My shopping helper and I looked everywhere and couldn't find your toy, and
believe me, we looked everywhere. Here is some money, I hope you can find
it for yourself.
Merry Christmas,
Aunt Diane
Not bad. I mean, that's close enough. Had I the funds, I would have bought that toy for myself anyway. And now I have the cash in my pocket, and I can buy it myself. "Yippee!" I thought. "Yippee!" I said.

So the next day I got out the phonebook and called all the local toy stores, asking if they had my toy. No luck. I had seen it several places before the holidays, why didn't they have it now??? I was crushed. I had waited so long to get my toy, and now it seems that I'll have to wait even longer. Or perhaps I'll never get it. I mean, perhas they aren't making anymore. Some of my friends got the same toy for Christmas. Why didn't I?

I know what you're saying. "You're 20 years old, you buffoon! Go spend that money on cigarettes and lottery tickets!" But I WANT THAT TOY! I don't think I've ever wanted a toy this much since the talking Teletubby I bought last month. I mean, I like toys. I have a lot of toys. Toys make me laugh. Toys keep me interested, for at least five minutes. But now I am just heartbroken.

So what is this magical, colossal, stupendous toy that I am still looking for? Why, it's the A Bug's Life talking alarm clock, with the cushy Flik and little Heimlich that has a clock. It's about the funniest thing I've ever seen. I mean, can you imagine poor Dave Foley having to record all those numbers? When I played with it in the store, he sounded a little bored. It has sixty-five different sounds! Sixty five! The talking Flik action figure only has 35, and the talking Flik room guard, I think only has 15. I want to wake up to Dave Foley's voice! I want to hear him say, in that certain Dave Foley way "Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let me bite. Hahaha....get it? Cuz I'm a bug and I-I-I'm in your bed...." Oh man, I'm rolling on the floor laughing just thinking of it. Don't you want one too?

So pretty soon, I'm either going to order it off the Internet, or camp out at Toyr R Us until they get one. I will get it, gentle reader, don't you worry! Maybe if I pray hard enough, Jason will buy me one for being a good girl, and keeping The Shrubbery virtually error-free for 10 issues now. Or maybe, just maybe, one of you readers is a millionaire and has a big heart, and wants to buy me the A Bug's Life Talking Alarm Clock as a gift.

Whatever it is, something has to happen soon. Or I will be a sad little girl for the rest of my life.

Thank you, and Merry Belated Christmas.


Jesse got a brand-new back pack. How's it feel? Excellent!

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