The Quest for Zen
by Jason Morrison
The Final Updates are in, and Bren will make his decision soon. Check back to find out who won.
In the end, there can be only one. Navin and I have been friends for a long time, but it's about time we stopped dancing around the issue and got down to a serious competition. No holds barred, no quarter given.
You see, Navin is taking both Yoga and Christian Ethics this semester. I, locked out of Yoga, am taking Seminar in Existentialism and drinking Sobe and Snapple Elements. The contest: who will reach enlightenment first?
Navin may at first seem to have the edge. Not only is he from Sri Lanka, a land of mystery and wonder, but his dad is a Buddhist and can meditate for six hours each day. I, on the other hand, am from Ohio, and the most spiritual thing my dad has done is patent a new hinge for basement windows.
But consider: Navin may be studying thousands of years of Christianity, and the yoga classes may make him flexible and sublime, but how can he compete with the taurine, proline, dong quia, fo-ti, damiana, ginseng, bee pollen, grapeseed, echinacea and beta carotene I will consume each day, brining my body, spirit and mind together? I've also found bottled water from a glacier and various forms of V8. The former has been locked in sacred mountain passes for thousands of years and the latter brings balance to your diet. Add to that a healthy dose of Sartre, and I have already won.
The contest will continue until the end of the semester. Brendan has been named ultimate judge of enlightenment on the grounds that he was a Jesus of the Week.
Final Report -- Apr2-May 5
Week 7 Report -- Mar 5-Apr 1
Week 6 Report -- Feb 27-Mar 4
Week 5 Report -- Feb 20-Feb 26
Week 4 Report -- Feb 13-Feb 19
Week 3 Report -- Feb 6-Feb 12
Week 2 Report -- Jan 30-Feb 5
Week 1 Report -- Jan 22-29