February 1999
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The Love Issue


What am I thinking? Love sucks!

Okay, that might just be my point of view. But some people here at The Shrub actually have some sort of a good outlook on love.

For instance, Gordon "Adventures in Maturity" Dymowski, the guy who decided we should do an issue devoted to love, hasn't had the best of luck with that four-letter word recently, but he has come to terms with it nicely.

FactBoy, who is lovely, recently got engaged. Legally, that means he's in love.

Miss Courtney Knopf, resident music reviewer, does not have love in a physical or emotional sense, but she has 400 CDs in her collection, so what does she need a man for?

Angry Dan had love. Or something resembling love. But then he outsmarted love. Or love outsmarted him. You'll have to read his beautiful column.

John Hansen, Canadian, is too prude to write about love because of his nationality, so instead he writes about Canadian politics for us. And he lusts after me.

Uncle Summy is missing in action. I hope that whatever he is doing, wherever he is, there is love. Because when he gets back to me, I am going to kill him for not turning in a column two months in a row!

Jason, the other editor person, has love. Or at least that's what he tells me, so I don't bug him about getting The Shrub done every day, and instead I let him romp with his girlfriend and be happy. But I tell him I love him all the time anyway. Don't tell his girlfriend.

Even Ryan, who just weeks ago was "Desperate for a date" got a little action recently. Now, I'm not saying that I'm as bad as him...I mean, it certainly did NOT take me 20 years to get a kiss!

Last but not least, if you check out our guestbook, the Robot from the Future apparently has a love interest! Or, as we on Earth call them, a stalker.

So as you can see, I am totally left out when it comes to the aspect of love this month. Don't get me wrong-- I am not a loser. I think of myself as one of those "independant women of the 90's"... not a lesbian...but just a girl with a future.

Okay...maybe a loveless loser.

But never fear! I have some really great friends (and "a really great personality") so I'm set for now. Until some guy comes up to me and offers me a light...then I am in love.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, and stay in love! You never know when it may make a great story.


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