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Welcome to The Shrubbery

by Jason Morrison

Welcome to The Shrubbery. Why don't you pull up a chair, sit down, and let us entertain you for a while.

You see, we here at The Shrubbery think this here Internet thing is quite a big deal. All of you folks coming around, reading what we write even if you're miles away! Heck, we'll even have a few kids come all the way from a foreign country-just to talk to yours truly!

So, since you're on the Internet and you've decided to drop by, we might as well go ahead and give you what you want.

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Again, welcome to the Internet. And thanks for stopping by. Y'all come back now, y'hear?













Are you still here? I suppose you're wondering what that was all about. Especially if you're my mom.

Quite frankly, no one comes to our site anymore. All these other sites, like the Onion, and Brunching Shuttlecocks, and the Modern Humorist (damn them!), have all these people reading their sites every day, and we keep slipping. Some people say it's because they're funnier than us, and when they have a daily section they actually change it daily.

I say it's because they use more naughty words. And this month everyone has thrown all cheeks to the wind, so to speak. Jessica wrote something about a giant snow penis! What the hell was that? And Andy Bluff. Enough said.

So from now on, this site will have nothing but dirty words and smut. As soon as I get Ann to pose nude, we'll have a hardcore porn section. And if that Quickcam I left in Summy's shower hasn't shorted out, we'll have streaming media for the ladies.

I plan on keeping the name, just because we can make jokes about female anatomy by saying "The Shrubbery" instead of "bush." Dan will stay on staff, because he's every middle-aged woman's young-stud-cowboy fantasy, and Todd will because he's a sick bastard. Yee will become out "hot Asian XXX" section. Gordon will be our advice columnist (you don't need a degree to be a "sex therapist"), lending an air of academic use to the site so we don't get kicked off search engines.

So, as Adam and Jimmy of Man Show fame once said:

"Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs"






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