July 1998
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Game Show Hosts Around the World, Prepare For the Revolution

by Mark Egle

To me one of the most annoying TV personalities outside of Rosie O'Donnell and Kathy Lee Gifford, is the host of Jeopardy Alex Trebek. Its not his voice like that of Fran Drescher, who's cold shrill could break the glass in Sea World's Shark Attack. He doesn't have any feminine qualities as does Billboard blockbuster John Tesh. What I really can't stand about old Al is his overpowering lack of personality.

Not the tabloid shocker you were waiting to here? I know its not the most devilish of character flaws, but I really like to watch Jeopardy and it all honesty Alex Trebek puts a damper on my parade.

Here's his problem. First of all, when someone answers a question, or questions an answer for all intensive purposes, incorrectly he acts as if he knew the response all along. A somewhat understandable behavior, but then instead of making fun of them or laughing out loud at there mental shortcomings like any real person would do he simply scoffs in there direction and proceeds to the next question. What a drag. He needs to brighten up the show make it a little more lively. I would like to see Jeopardy not only as an intellectual form, but as entertainment also.

Here's my suggestion. Drop Alex Trebek and replace him with a talking computer.

The idea is ahead of its time. I see a future where all game shows are hosted by computers, or at least a robot controlled off-camera by a computer. You could put the monitor on the podium where the now extinct Trebek once stood. The computer, which I would like to call Big Baby Macintosh, would do all the same things Alex did back in the stone ages like introduce the guests, talk with them after the first commercial break and referee the game, but Big Baby Macintosh could make the 7 to 7:30 time slot a real contender. Its number one job on the show would be to make fun of the guests if they answered incorrectly. For instance, if asked the question "What is the capitol of New York" a guest replies "The Bronx," Big Baby Macintosh would reply, "I'm sorry I didn't understand that, your speech must have been slurred after your lobotomy. . . stop drooling," all followed by an electric shock.

Better yet, with improvements in the communication industries the TV audience could actually play along over the internet. Big Baby Macintosh could tally up the amount of correct and incorrect responses from the viewing audience and in between rounds display the results to everyone. Then after he shows the miserable amount of correct responses from the masses, he could proceed to make fun of the viewing audience as well with comments such as "Well, its going to be an easy takeover."

In the spirit of the preceding column we must bring you the Top Ten insults from the future host of Jeopardy Big Baby Macintosh.

10 Just what do you think you're doing Dave?

9 I see rich parents can get you through law school no matter what.

8 You're a doctor! How many people have died in your care, how many, quit counting fingers I asked you a question!

7 People, one more time, if you don't know the answer, don't press the button.

6 Oh god, it's like celebrity week all over again.

5 I now understand why Jerry Springer gets such high ratings.

4 No, idiot.

3 Everyone in the crowd, stop whistling that stupid song.

2 Here's what our second and third place losers, I mean winners will receive.

1 100110101001010

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