|
Until recently, there were only a few ways to become a millionaire: Work your whole life and save every penny; marry a millionaire or be born into a maillionaire family; or win the lottery.
Lucky for us, the millionaire club is getting larger and now almost anyone has a really great chance to rub elbows with other yacht owners and people who eat caviar and Cheese-Its for breakfast with a platinum spoon. This is America, the Land of Opportunity. Not only has the Lotto become easier to win, but there are also several other easy ways to make it big:
Get stranded on a desert island for 39 days, walk around naked, and make everyone hate you. The perfect way to win that cool million.
Get asked off-the-wall questions by Regis Philbin and hope that the pool of questions are only as obscure as your knowledge-base.
Act dumb and pretend that you had no idea that smoking was bad for you. Start a lawsuit for other numbskulls in your state and hope the team of lawyers only want a tiny percent of your "compensation."
Do something even more stupid, like burning your mouth on hot coffee or getting your jock squeezed in a toilet seat. Once again, call a lawyer.
Buy a Ford Explorer and hope that one of your less-favorite relatives takes it for a test drive on very hot pavement, and at speeds upwards of 80 mph.
Start a Web-based company, find an older person with money, and mention the words "ebusiness," "portal," "online shopping" and "interconnectivity" a lot.
Write a book about a wizard-boy and hype it by refusing to let anyone even know the title. Ooh!
Audition for a role on Friends and offer to take home one-sixth of what the other cast members get.
Make a record with Santana.
Start a boy band, either starring you and your talented friends or a group of strangers from a casting agency.
Stand in for a Major League baseball player, like Mark McGwire or Ken Griffey, Jr. for one-third of an inning.
There you go, eleven easy-as-pie ways to make a million. I'm sure there's a ton more, but my mouth is watering just thinking abou them. Also, I have been awake for more than 8 hours today, so I am getting a little sleepy.
If you do end up becoming a millionaire using one of our methods, please email us at theshrub@theshrubbery.com so we may sue you for your millions.
|
