October 1998
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The Day Jesus Visited My Dorm

Behold, the glory of the son of God on earth

Jesus has to be the least self-conscious guy I know, so I didn't feel out of line when I asked him about his figure. "Every time I see a crucifix I think, 'damn, Jesus got killer abs,'" I said. "Let yourself go a little in heaven?" "You know, I never really did any sit-ups or anyting when I was on earth. I kept in shape by constantly walking from town to town, making the blind see and carrying beds on Sundays," he opined. "I just don't get to much areobic exercise as part of the Holy Trinity."

Behold, the glory of the son of God on earth

When Jesus' mom showed up in the minivan to pick him up, we were kind of bummed that the day was over. Mary cheered us up, though, by treating us all to can of Surge. Jesus answered and said unto her, "If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given the living water." (St. John 4:10)

Behold, the glory of the son of God on earth

This is the only photo I have of me and Jesus together. I entrusted my camera and the last shot on the roll to Val so that I would forever have proof of my time with Christ. I guess she thought it would be funny to try poking me in the eye. Thanks Val. I know someone who isn't getting the gift of eternal life through Christ for her birthday.

Special Thanks to Brendan Michna and Tracy Nolte for portraying Jesus and Mary, respectively.

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