November 1998
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It's the Little Things

By Jessica Brandt

If you haven't noticed already, it's November. In America, November means "Thanksgiving Time" to almost everyone (except maybe the Jehovah's Witnesses, who don't celebrate much of anything). So, all of us Americans take a day (or two, if you have to go Thanksgiving Dinner with both sides of the family) to reflect on things we're thankful for. Usually, people say the same drab "my family, my friends, my health blah blah blah Go Packers!" and those things are definitely important, but are they important every day? I mean, what about when you're NOT healthy? How about when your family pisses you off? What about when the Packers lose??

So I've been thoughtful this year, and came up with a list of ten "little" everyday things I should be thankful for. I don't know how a person could disagree.

10. Pillows - Ever fall asleep without a pillow? Your neck gets all stiff, and your arms fall asleep. Plus, pillows are good drool-catchers.

9. Socks - Whoever invented socks is a genius. For example, when doing a strenuous summer exercise such as jogging, or going to band camp, you HAVE to wear socks. Then, you get sock-lines from tanning, and end up with bone-white feet and sexy tanned legs. So, you have to wear socks for the rest of the summer so you don't look like a dork, and you get permanent tan lines, and viola! Socks are a must all year round!

8. Remote Controls - Come on now, who doesn't flick? And remote controls are not only for televisions, but VCRs, stereos, garage doors, bombs, toy friend's mom even has a remote control to start her car, one to unlock the door, and one to turn on the car stereo! Our old Genie Garage Door Opener came with three buttons- One for the garage door, and two others for "other Genie products." Imagine that! Turning on your dishwasher from the garage!

7. Bunnies - Who doesn't smile when they see a nice fluffy bunny? Even the rough-and-tumble hunter-type-guy will smile, even if it's just because he sees dinner in those eyes!

6. UAW Local 420 - That's my dad's union at Ford. He makes a gagillion dollars an hour thanks to that union. And that is why I am fat.

5. The Opposite Sex - Face it, girls still need guys to do manly stuff (like lifting big things), and guys still need girls to do girly stuff (like remembering their mom's birthday). This has nothing to do with sexual intercourse (for as you know, it doesn't always work out that way), it just has to do with being whiny.

4. Single-floor Homes - Some people were not made to climb up stairs every day. I am one of those people.

3. Trash Collectors - Where does it go when you throw it away? Who cares! Thank God for the men and women who take it from the curb.

2. Nepotism - Otherwise known as "how to get paid a lot of money for doing something you're not really qualified to do, and make your own hours."

1. E-mail - If I didn't have e-mail, people would assume I was dead. If you don't have e-mail, don't talk to me!

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