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Wit' Fact Boy

Now in Fact-o-Vision

Dat's right, Fact-o-Vision(down low, T-R). In orda' t'access Fact Boy's facts, yo' ass gots'ta have some mouse. Not some pet mouse, dose-dair be icky. Yo' ass need some doodad mouse, which I assume yo' ass alraidy have. T' spot some fact, simply move yo' mouse pointa' ova' no asterisk yo' ass spot (*) an' yo' ass will instant-like become one I-Q point smarta' by eyeballin' da fact dat appears at da damn bottom o' yo' browsa' window. Don' u actual-like C-L-I-C-fuckin'-K on da astersik, o' yo' doodad plum might 'esplode.

Boy oh boy, dun did Liegirl tru-ly do some numba' on me, an' it wuz numba' one. I should have listened t' grandma when she said, "He who pees uphill gits wet feet!" Dat be some lesson I will neva' forget. It wuz strange on da otha' parallel planet. Sucka's actual-like listened t' me an' thought I wuz interestin'. I couldn't recon' how plum how much everybody watched W-B ova' dair. I felt tru-ly strange, as some matta' o' fact, I wuz some minority becuz I would 'esploit some fork t' chew mah applesauce. Well, dat be da damn case in da house too. Y do sucka's think dat be so's strange? I dunno, maybe becuz deir PUNK-ASS!!! Probably. Oh well, dat be life, an' I be livin', so's I guess I plum got'ta live wit' life.

Bein' da infamous FactBoy, I tru-ly got'ta keep on mah toes an' make shaw I git everythin' correct. 'S all good. It aint aisy bein' some supuh'genius. Think about it, da coyote had some rock time, an' he couldn't even catch da damn road runna'. So's, t' make shaw I remain smart, fust, I git 11 hours o' shut-eye at night, den I go t'in da house, dig dis: Click in da house, Fun Links Ok, I tru-ly duzn't go in da house, but dis has deuce sites on it dat I likes.

Whut duz dis main t' yo' ass? Step up. Well, nothin' if yo' ass duzn't go dair. If yo' ass do go deir, yo' ass will find deuce sites, actual-like mo', but yo' ass duzn't need t' worry about them. Pay particulah' attenshun Trivial Pursuit an' da damn Jive Translata'. I likes them bot', but t' keep on mah toes, I play Trivial Pursuit. Yo' ass know how t' play Trivial Pursuit, I know yo' ass do. Yo' ass duzn't roll some die o' anythin', yo' ass plum answa' quesshuns t' git some piece o' da damn pie. I likes pie, I make some lot o'pie becuz I be some baka', actual-like I be some Masta' Baka' at da damn Hometown Buffet in Macedonia. It be sump'n t' do on Saturday night when yo' ass be all sittin' at crib becuz yo' ass have no homies.

Dat be 'nuff fun t' last some yaih' though. I aint got tru-ly science fair projected wit' it too much, so's dair might actual-like be sump'n else t' da damn game dat I duzn't know about. I know dat I know some lot, but not everythin'. Dat be y I kin only play da game 4 some minute becuz I know all da ansuhs an' it gits borin' t' me.

On da same hand, dair 'esists da Jive Translata'. If yo' ass aint got gone t' some jive translata', yo' ass duzn't know whut yo' ass be missin'. Yo' ass kin put in some message an' it will translate it t' jive. Now, beware, dair be some warnin' 4 all o' yo' ass sillies out dair dat might snatch offense t'it. Plum rememba' dat it be in badass fun. Yo' mama. An' 4 all o' yo' ass wit' virgin ears o' eyes, yo' ass shouldn't go dair becuz dair be vulgarity. Dat be y I likes it. I likes vulgarity.

I haid-scratch if they 'esploited da damn jive translata' in da movie Airplane!.

Anyhow, I guess dis be da damn fat-lady o' Factboy. Amen! Not 4 eva' though. I will be back within some yaih', maybe even some couple o' months, but I promise yo' ass, it will be no lata' dan Decemba'. Oh, I guess dat be next mont'. Silly me.

Factual-like Yo's,

Back t' dis month column Ps. What it is, Mama! Be shaw t' check out da damn English version o' dis column.

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