December 1998
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What You Want for Christmas

A Funny Person's Guide to Christmas-getting

By Jessica Brandt

I know it's hard to come up with gifts to buy for people for Christmas. What's even HARDER is trying to remember what you want yourself. All year, you see thingshere and there and tell youself "gee, I like that. I gotta remember to ask for it for Christmas."Then when the holiday comes around, you end up telling people "I can't think ofone thing I want. Socks would be nice."

Well THIS year, I have taken the liberty of remembering for you what it is you wanted. I already know who you are: a college student with a great sense of humorand inpecable taste in web-literature (we have ways of finding this out). If you'renot a person like this, you WISH you were, and really want to get for Christmas whatthese kids are getting. This list includes a video, a book, a CD, two toys, your shoice of t-shirts, andsome candy. Everything a kid could ever want on Christmas morning.

So scan over the list, print it out, and stick it on your fridge for all to see. I garunteeyou will like at least one of these items. At least they're better than socks.Oh, and if you don't celebrate Christmas, this list will apply for Hanukah, Kwanza, and birthdaywishes.


Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus-

The Lost Episodes
Guerilla Films has gotten the 'ok' from the Python boys to go ahead andrelease these two lost Flying Circus episodes on home video. The videois 86 minutes long and includes episodes filmed for and in Germany and Australia.Hear "The Lumberjack Song" in German! It's only $28, plus you get some free giftswith your oline order. Availible in PAL and American NTSC format.
Buy it Here

The Dead Milkmen-

Death Rides a Pale Cow (Best of)
Hands-down, THE funniest punk band ever. These guys have no consciense. I'd recommendall their albums, but in 1997 they finally came out with a greatest hits selection(The band broke up a few years ago). If you've never heard this band, you willbe ultimately turned-on and fancifully titilated by this disc, so beg a lovedone to buy it for you.
Buy it Here

Buddy Babylon-

The Autobiography of Buddy Cole
I'm pretty sure this is Gordon Dymowski's (Adventures in Maturity) favorite book.Written by former Kid in the Hall Scott Thompson and writing partner Paul Bellini, this is the true autobiography of a pretend character, barfly and flaming homosexual,Buddy Cole. This is a must-have for any KITH fan, and if you wish to become a member of this exclusiveKITH-club, you can start by reading this book.
Buy it Here

A Bug's Life Talking Alarm Clock-

Flik and Heimlich
After much debate and much searching, those of us at the Kids in the HallNewsgroup decided that this is the best A Bug's Life toy. It spews outover 60 phrases from the film, as well as announces the time. We couldn't helpgiggle over the fact that poor Dave Foley had to record all those numbers. It'sone of those new-fangled totally interactive toys, and isn't too pricey, if youconsider how much your parents make in a year, and how much they should love you.
Buy it Here

Talking Teletubbies-

They're here to stay!
This show is trippy. I'm serious. I am not on drugs and I really enjoy it, especially at6:30 AM when I have yet to go to bed and I need a nice, relaxing, mindless show to lull me to sleep. I went out and bought myself a Talking La Laa, because her songis the cutest. She is also the most popular doll. I believe it's Po that is the "dirty" Teletubby that's causing allthe controversey, and Dipsy is the boy with the "bag" (purse). Then there's Tinky Winky,"the biggest Teletubby." I don't know many other toys that I have that make me giggleso much every time I hear them talk.
Buy it Here

Offensive T-Shirts-
These people are offensive, racist, sexist, anti-Christian, and so-on. But They are out to offend EVERYONE and if you want to offend SOMEONE, then you can find some freaky shirt you like here. With shirts like "Pregnant men against abortion" to "I am the unabomber" you'll at least find something to chuckle at.
Buy Something Here

Stupid Candy Roller Pop-

Paint your tounge!!
This isn't the stupidest candy I've ever seen. On this website, there's even STUPIDER stuff.But this product looks most intriguing. The directions say to pour the powdered candy intothe paint tray, lick the roller to moisten it, and then paint your tounge. Yippee!! What could be more fun?
Buy it Here

There you go! One-stop Christmas shopping, here at The Shrubbery. Don't forgetyour favorite e-zine editors come December 25th...

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