Why Are You Looking At My Crotch?
by Jason Morrison
This is an old game, but a good one. Ever been bored, just sitting around
with your friends, tired of playing "Goldeneye" until your vision blurs? Want
to do something active, something bound to spark some conversation? Then
you need to play "Why Are You Looking At My Crotch?"!
Simple. To start the game, you need to be sitting around with several
friends. Subtly arrange your sitting position such that some one, or
several people, are looking at your crotch. Then stand up and
demand-"Why're you looking at my crotch!?"
You may have to repeat this once or twice before the rest of the group
catches on. With each round, become less and less subtle- eventually, stand
right in someone's face and shout-"Why're you looking at my crotch!?"
Soon the entire room will be playing, attempting to get others to look at
their crotch while attempting to ignore the crotches of others. Please
keep in mind that the phrase must be said with mock offence sarcastic
enough for everyone to know you're not actually pissed off.
Since gameplay would be interrupted by any kind of score tally, all the
points, and the game, go to the person and or persons who perpetrate the
ultimate crotching- and the ultimacy is determined by the group itself. One
way to score the ultimate crotching is to get someone to look at your
crotch long after the game has seemed to end. Another technique is to
crotch someone in public- or at least around people who have never played
Here's another ultimate crotching- after a long and grueling game, one of my
friends went to the restroom, closing the door behind himself. Two others
picked me up, lifted me in the air, and moved over to the door so that my
crotch would be at exactly head level when he returned- sure enough, he was
looking at my crotch.
You'll find the longer and more often you play, the harder it will be for
anyone to get anyone else. I've seen people resort to spilling Pepsi on
their pants, standing up and triumphantly declaring- "Why're you looking at
I don't recommend doing anything dangerous- like spilling hot coffee- and I
would caution you against playing this game with anyone who's violently