The Shrubbery -- humor, satire, comedy
Shrub Mail   Archives   About Us   Subscribe

Shrubbery Games:
Why Are You Looking At My Crotch?

by Jason Morrison

This is an old game, but a good one. Ever been bored, just sitting around with your friends, tired of playing "Goldeneye" until your vision blurs? Want to do something active, something bound to spark some conversation? Then you need to play "Why Are You Looking At My Crotch?"!

The Rules:

Simple. To start the game, you need to be sitting around with several friends. Subtly arrange your sitting position such that some one, or several people, are looking at your crotch. Then stand up and demand-"Why're you looking at my crotch!?"

You may have to repeat this once or twice before the rest of the group catches on. With each round, become less and less subtle- eventually, stand right in someone's face and shout-"Why're you looking at my crotch!?"

Soon the entire room will be playing, attempting to get others to look at their crotch while attempting to ignore the crotches of others. Please keep in mind that the phrase must be said with mock offence sarcastic enough for everyone to know you're not actually pissed off.


Since gameplay would be interrupted by any kind of score tally, all the points, and the game, go to the person and or persons who perpetrate the ultimate crotching- and the ultimacy is determined by the group itself. One way to score the ultimate crotching is to get someone to look at your crotch long after the game has seemed to end. Another technique is to crotch someone in public- or at least around people who have never played the game.

Here's another ultimate crotching- after a long and grueling game, one of my friends went to the restroom, closing the door behind himself. Two others picked me up, lifted me in the air, and moved over to the door so that my crotch would be at exactly head level when he returned- sure enough, he was looking at my crotch.

You'll find the longer and more often you play, the harder it will be for anyone to get anyone else. I've seen people resort to spilling Pepsi on their pants, standing up and triumphantly declaring- "Why're you looking at my crotch!?"

I don't recommend doing anything dangerous- like spilling hot coffee- and I would caution you against playing this game with anyone who's violently homophobic.

More Things To Do
Copyright 2000 The Shrubbery
In Association With