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Column Archive

Current Columns:
| Adventures in Maturity | The British Bulldog | Horizontal Hold | Robot From the Future | Undisputable Truths |

Former Columns:
| Andy Bluff the Film Buff | Angry Dan | Canadian Content | Holzqopf's Wooden Head | Incorrectly Political |
| I Don't/Won't Shut Up/Bionic (De)Construction | Ministry of Culture |
Neandrethal Rights Association Newsletter | Website Madness with FactBoy |

Adventures in Maturity (Gordon Dymowski)
Gordon Turns 30, June '98
Dumped, July '98
Whining, August '98
God is one Bad Ass Dude, September '98
Gordon Gives Thanks, November '98
December Venting, December '98
Change is Tough, January '99
Love, February '99
Forgiveness, March '99
I kissed the Robot! April Fool's Day
Just Say No, April '99
Gordon's Autobiography, May '99
Graduation, June '99
Pedophelia? July '99
The REAL Superhero, August '99
Work, September '99
R-Rated Movies, October '99
Ethics and Morality, November '99
The End of the Year, December '99
Coming of Age (Feb. 1000 AD), February '00
Apologies, March '00
Gossip, April '00
The 13th Warrior Cartoon Porn Show, June '00
Letters to Me, July '00
Self Esteem is Tricky, September '00
Suggest a Topic, Win a Prize! October '00
Gordon Gives Thanks, December '00
Gordon Contemplates the Year's End, January '01

The British Bulldog (Andrew Smith)
Meet The British Bulldog, January '01

Horizontal Hold (P. Kellach Waddle)
Channel 1: Why Oprah Doesn't Have a Movie Club
Channel 2: Hey Kids, TV Was ALWAYS Worrisome!
Channel 3: She Helped Me Make It After All
Channel 4: Do you want to be a...
Channel 5: The Beginning
Channel 6: "Love" in the Afternoon
Channel 7: How real is reality TV?
Channel 8: The most mysterious TV show EVER
Channel 8: The Most Mysterious Show EVER
Channel 9: Come On Down and get your Price Is Right Horoscope!
Channel 10: Scooby Under Scrutiny

Undisputable Truths (Uncle Summy)
The Moon is made of Lego, January '01

The Robot from the Future
April '98
May '98
June '98
August '98
September '98
November '98
December '98
January '99
February '99
March '99
April '99
April Fool's Day
May '99
June '99
July '99
August '99
September '99
November '99
December '99
February '00
The New and Improved Robot

Former Columns:

Andy Bluff the Film Buff... (Andrew Smith)
Tells it Like it Is, February '00
Squares up to The 2000 Academy Awards, March '00
Has Had it Up to Here, April '00
Meets Steven Spielberg, June '00
Gets Ironic, July '00
Meets Robert DeNiro, September '00
Tells The Story of Cinema, Part I, October '00
Tells The Story of Cinema, Part II, December '00

Angry Dan (Daniel Strohl)
Women's Week -- Bullshit, April '98
Stop Worshipping Rock Gods!, May '98
Dan's Kids, July '98
The Movement, August '98
Loose Ends, September '98
Racial Profiling, October '98
Hate Crime Laws, November '98
All the Chutzpah You Can Shake a Stick At, December '98
Racial Profiling- Part 2 and The Big Guns of NATO, January '99
Alone With You, February '99
Heterosexual, Omnivorous Anglo-American Male, March '99
Moralists, April '99
I'm So Very Angry, April Fool's Day
Sorry, but flag burning is speech, too, May '99
What have you done to prevent a school shooting today? June '99
Flag Burning Revisited, July '99
Senators and morons and punks, oh my! August '99
Hollywood as the New Mt. Olympus, September '99
Hazing is Our Friend, October '99 [Counter-Earth]
Idiot Senate votes down nuclear test ban, November '99
Rednecks Beware, December '99
Free Speech, March '00
In Defense of Flags, Marraige, and Fascism, April '00
Dan's Dumbass Mailbag, April '00
No One's Home, June '00
Dan Denounces Patriotism, July '00
Dan's Final Column, October '00
Thanks for the Mamories, December '00

Canadian Content (John Hansen Parts 1-14) (Gordon Parts Dec. 99 -present)
Part 1: Degrassi Jr. High
Part 2: Tidbits of History
Part 3: Gameshows
Part 4: Religion
Part 5: They Always Got Their Man
Part 6: What they Eat Part 7: Le Tele
Part 8: Politicks
Part 8: More Politicks
Part 9: Hockey
Part 9: Our National Anthem (April Fool's Day)
Part 10: Trudeaumania
Part 11: Cuisine
Part 12: Vive le Quebec Libre!
Part 13: "Carefree Highway, Let me Slip Away on You..."
Part 14: Top Ten Greatest Moments in Canadian Television
We Hate the French Too!

I Don't/Won't Shut Up/Bionic De(con)struction (Ryan Glowczewski)
Footnoted for Your Enjoyment, May '98
No Responsibility! June '98
Ryan Has a Job, July '98
Ryan's Angry Day, August '98
Sex? Me? September '98
I Am Dating a REAL Girl! October '98
The Apology, October '98
Spudface, November '98
What I Want for X-Mas, December '98
Toys and Videogames, January '99
Ryan Kissed a Girl, February '99
Religion, April '99
Yo Fools! April Fool's Day
I am a Prophet, May '99
Trapped! August '99

Incorrectly Political (P. Kellach Waddle)
#0, July '99
#-1, August '99

Klank Klank You're Dead/Holzqopf's Wooden Head (Todd McCafferty)
Letters BY a Nut, April '98
Ponderthunks, May '98
Old People, June '98
The Year 2000, July '98
Movie Theater Concession Customers, August '98
We are looking for connections that seep through the structure around us in order to feel complete, September '98
The Story, October '98
I am Todd, This is my Column, November '98
The Anarchy of Language... December '98
My NEW Column, January '99
The Server Went Down! February '99
Postmodernist Deconstruction Quiz, March '99
Raving Lunatics, April '99
This Took me Five Minutes to Do, April Fool's Day
INTELLIGENCE REPORT ON THE TORONTO SEVEN, May '99
Season Finale, June '99
The New Match Game! July '99
TITLE: MAKE YOUR OWN CONEPTUAL ART PIECE!, August '99
A History of Hip-Hop, October '99 [Counter-Earth]
A Confession: How I Mentally Tortured my Sister for Most of her Pre-adolescencse, November '99
Charlie's Diary, February '00
Will the Future Please Stand Up!, March '00
Scattershot of my Psyche, July '00

The Ministry of Culture (Uncle Summy)
#1 Language
#2 The Monarchy
#3 Justice
#4 Guns
#5 Religion
#6 Television
#7 Sex
#8 The UK- What Americans Think
#9 ?????
#10 Dinosaurs
#11 Religion
April Fool's Day
#12 The Future
#13 Star Wars
#14 The Sixties
#15 Advertising
#16 Pets
#17 Smoking
#18 The English v. The French
#19 Christmas
#20 January 1900 A.D.
#21 Sweden
#22 Fame
#23 Homes
#24 Sophistication
#25 Work (Final Column)

Neandrethal Rights Assoc. Newsletter (Navin Weerarante)
#1 Guns are Great!
#2 Tobacco is Great!
#3 Bombs are Great!
#4 Guest Columns are Great!

Website Madness With FactBoy
November '98 - Dee Snider's Strangeland
December '98 - Santa is Satan
January '99 - Burning Cow Tipping
February '99 - Do Not Go On
March '99 - Norman Dog and Bewitched
April '99 - Uselessknowledge.com
May '99 - Official WWF Website
July '99 - Disturbing Thoughts
August '99 - Terrance & Philip World Wide Fart
October '99 - The Shrubbery [Counter-Earth]
November '99 - Fun Links
December '99 - College 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
March '00 - The Foreigner's Guide to America






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