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The Shrub's Daily box is updated almost every weekday with a new item. Here's what you missed:

What? No new August content? In lieu of everyone here at The Shrub havng to find their ways back to school, home fromv acation, or out of the hospital, we have made August 2000 a "hiatus month." But don't think we haven't been working. We're going through the site with a fine-toothed comb, adding features, and making sure things work. So we are officially under construction. Pardon our dust! (Really, things might look really crappy for a bit.)

The Half-Done Shrub Archives

Did you know that Lincoln Town Cars have an odd tendency to burst into flame when they're not even turned on? To be fair, it's only the '92 and '93 models, but it's alike a daily occurrence down here in Florida. Wealthy retired Minnesota banker goes into Publix to pick up some groceries… bam! Car explodes! Well-to-do retired Cleveland lawyer gets a birdie on the 5th hole and… bam! Car explodes!

Flaming Town Cars! Whoo-hoo!

The Simpsons Archive has the definitive list of Homer's "Mmmm..." quotes. There's one though, that's not here because it has never been in any episode. But if they ever do it, I'll laugh myself to death.

[Homer and family in church] Reverend Lovejoy: And now it is time for the holy Communion.

Homer: [puts cracker in mouth] Mmmmm... the body of Christ.

Mmmm... Forbidden Donut

A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on. Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong." Knight turned the machine off and on.

The machine worked.

Some AI Koans

There's only one way to stop a hurricane-with new, ultra absorbent Soil Moist! Yes, that's right-the product you've used for years to keep water near plants' roots can now combat those deadly summer cyclones! Also try our new anti-earthquake 2000 Flushes Blue.

How gardening defeated hurricanes

The Shrub isn't just for visiting once-a-month anymore. Between our daily section, which you're reading, and our new CDNow Today feature, the site's changing every day. CDNow Today will give you a chance to catch new music reviews and features as they appear. Keep an eye open for new daily features in the near future.

CDNow Today

Not bad! Not freaking bad! They really managed to pull it off. X-Men is both serious and exciting, and though it feels a bit rushed, it's certainly worth going to see. The entire film feels like a prequel, too-there's no doubt there will be more X-Men films.

X-Men Movie review

Okay, no link today. I just wanted to say I'm going to see X-Men tomorrow. Tomorrow. Suh-weet. Yeah. I'll have a review up at some point tomorrow night.

Anyone who can pass up reading a headline like "Naked intruder dies after break in at neighbor's home" has more willpower than me. This is just one in an ongoing series of weird crimes perpetrated in Florida. You might think there's nothing but sunburn and old people down here, but you'd be surprised how many wackos there are floating around.

Naked intruder dies after break in at neighbor's home

This is pure vanity, but I put this site together last night so I figured you'd all like to see it. Isn't the design neat-o? And, I do highly recommend the Sim games-if you have some extra cash, go ahead and buy them from my site. All proceeds go to benefit The Shrub, which is charity if I've ever seen it.

Jason's Sim City Archive

Contact was my movie of the year for 1997. I've always been a Carl Sagan fan, and I had meant to read the book before I saw the film. Unfortunately, it wasn't until a few days ago that I started it-and was blown away. For 6 bucks at Amazon, I can't recommend this book enough. One of the most religiously insightful books I've ever read, and damned good sci fi as well.


Take a look at this article really quick. I couldn't help but notice that this site, with a current average of 100,000 hits a month, will have an estimated $1.2 million in revenue this year. The Shrub has had about 100,000 hits a month for four months running and our current revenue is, well, nothing. I'm getting these people on the phone-obviously, we have no idea how to make money.

Website to help African Americans traveling in Sunshine State

Okay, I've fixed the Spider-Man movie petition and added a poll, so I think it rates a mention in the daily box. Plus, a lot of kids only visit our site via the daily section-I'd hate for all of you to miss your chance to give me my chance to be the web-head.

See the site, sign the petition

There's nothing more tragic than a suicide attempt. Except maybe when someone tries to kill himself, fails, but is left hanging by shelter workers for the police to handle.

He's just hanging around

Imagine you're a hick in Florida. You notice one of your dogs trying to hump the other one. The thing is, they're both male-dear lord, that dog of yours is homosexual! What do you do? Throw a Bible at it? Ask a vet, who would tell you the dog is just doing non-sexual dog-like things? Of course not!

Man sent to jail for dog-homophobia

So you're pissed that we don't update this daily as advertised, eh? Well take a gander at this: My buddy Emily just moved from Ohio to Wisconsin and is keeping a daily diary of her new-found cheeseheadedness over at Diaryland. She has some fun little adventures out there in the land of milk and ice cream, and you can keep up with her- daily.

Emily's Dairy Diary

You may have noticed a large block of non-updating the Shrub. My bad. You know, finals, moving, the ladies-all the normal excuses apply. But I'm not making any excuses. It's my fault the site hasn't been updated in a little while. But mostly Jessica's fault.

Jessica's Real-Life Job

Tetris was the perfect game for the Game Boy, and it turns out it's the perfect game for the side of a building, too. Those nutty Brown University kids have done it again. And all it took was "eleven custom-built circuit boards, a twelve-story data network, a personal computer running Linux, a radio-frequency video game controller, and over 10,000 Christmas lights." You knew it would be Linux.

La Bastille: A Tech House Art Installation

I know we're all sick of those lists of things to do. You know, fifty ways to make your roommate hate you, one hundred ways to alienate everyone, etc. But this site has a bunch of good work-type pranks and other hijinks, and people can add their own. Some of them are unfunny, but some are really cruel.


I was just looking at Todd's old columns and they're hilarious. You people (meaning our readers) never read the columns as much as the monthly features. What's wrong with you? Guys like Todd are what make this website worth having. No go back and read what you've missed

Holzqopf's Wooden Head Archive

Archived daily sections:

4/25/00 through 02/02/00

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