What? No new August content? In lieu of everyone here at The Shrub havng to find their ways back to school, home fromv acation, or out of the hospital, we have made August 2000 a "hiatus month." But don't think we haven't been working. We're going through the site with a fine-toothed comb, adding features, and making sure things work. So we are officially under construction. Pardon our dust! (Really, things might look really crappy for a bit.)
The Half-Done Shrub Archives
Did you know that Lincoln Town Cars have an odd tendency to burst into flame when
they're not even turned on? To be fair, it's only the '92 and '93 models, but
it's alike a daily occurrence down here in Florida. Wealthy retired Minnesota
banker goes into Publix to pick up some groceries… bam! Car explodes! Well-to-do
retired Cleveland lawyer gets a birdie on the 5th hole and… bam! Car explodes!
Flaming Town Cars! Whoo-hoo!
The Simpsons Archive has the definitive list of Homer's "Mmmm..." quotes. There's one though, that's not here because it has never been in any episode. But if they ever do it, I'll laugh myself to death.
[Homer and family in church] Reverend Lovejoy: And now it is time for the holy Communion.
Homer: [puts cracker in mouth] Mmmmm... the body of Christ.
Mmmm... Forbidden Donut
A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on. Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no
understanding of what is going wrong." Knight turned the machine off and on.
The machine worked.
Some AI Koans
There's only one way to stop a hurricane-with new, ultra absorbent Soil Moist!
Yes, that's right-the product you've used for years to keep water near plants'
roots can now combat those deadly summer cyclones! Also try our new anti-earthquake
2000 Flushes Blue.
How gardening defeated hurricanes
The Shrub isn't just for visiting once-a-month anymore. Between our daily section,
which you're reading, and our new CDNow Today feature, the site's changing every day.
CDNow Today will give you a chance to catch new music reviews and features as they
appear. Keep an eye open for new daily features in the near future.
Not bad! Not freaking bad! They really managed to pull it off. X-Men is both
serious and exciting, and though it feels a bit rushed, it's certainly worth
going to see. The entire film feels like a prequel, too-there's no doubt there
will be more X-Men films.
X-Men Movie review
Okay, no link today. I just wanted to say I'm going to see X-Men tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Suh-weet. Yeah. I'll have a review up at some point tomorrow night.
Anyone who can pass up reading a headline like "Naked intruder dies after break in at
neighbor's home" has more willpower than me. This is just one in an ongoing series of
weird crimes perpetrated in Florida. You might think there's nothing but sunburn and
old people down here, but you'd be surprised how many wackos there are floating around.
Naked intruder dies after break in at neighbor's home
This is pure vanity, but I put this site together last night so I figured you'd
all like to see it. Isn't the design neat-o? And, I do highly recommend the
Sim games-if you have some extra cash, go ahead and buy them from my site. All
proceeds go to benefit The Shrub, which is charity if I've ever seen it.
Jason's Sim City Archive
Contact was my movie of the year for 1997. I've always been a Carl Sagan fan,
and I had meant to read the book before I saw the film. Unfortunately, it wasn't
until a few days ago that I started it-and was blown away. For 6 bucks at Amazon,
I can't recommend this book enough. One of the most religiously insightful books
I've ever read, and damned good sci fi as well.
Take a look at this article really quick. I couldn't help but notice that this site,
with a current average of 100,000 hits a month, will have an estimated $1.2 million
in revenue this year. The Shrub has had about 100,000 hits a month for four months
running and our current revenue is, well, nothing. I'm getting these people on the
phone-obviously, we have no idea how to make money.
Website to help African Americans traveling in Sunshine State
Okay, I've fixed the Spider-Man movie petition and added a poll, so I think it
rates a mention in the daily box. Plus, a lot of kids only visit our site via
the daily section-I'd hate for all of you to miss your chance to give me my
chance to be the web-head.
See the site, sign the petition
There's nothing more tragic than a suicide attempt. Except maybe when someone
tries to kill himself, fails, but is left hanging by shelter workers for the
police to handle.
He's just hanging around
Imagine you're a hick in Florida. You notice one of your dogs trying to hump the
other one. The thing is, they're both male-dear lord, that dog of yours is homosexual!
What do you do? Throw a Bible at it? Ask a vet, who would tell you the dog is just
doing non-sexual dog-like things? Of course not!
Man sent to jail for dog-homophobia
So you're pissed that we don't update this daily as advertised, eh? Well take a
gander at this: My buddy Emily just moved from Ohio to Wisconsin and is keeping
a daily diary of her new-found cheeseheadedness over at Diaryland. She has some
fun little adventures out there in the land of milk and ice cream, and you can
keep up with her- daily.
Emily's Dairy Diary
You may have noticed a large block of non-updating the Shrub. My bad. You know,
finals, moving, the ladies-all the normal excuses apply. But I'm not making any
excuses. It's my fault the site hasn't been updated in a little while. But
mostly Jessica's fault.
Jessica's Real-Life Job
Tetris was the perfect game for the Game Boy, and it turns out it's
the perfect game for the side of a building, too. Those nutty Brown
University kids have done it again. And all it took was "eleven
custom-built circuit boards, a twelve-story data network, a
personal computer running Linux, a radio-frequency video game
controller, and over 10,000 Christmas lights." You knew it would
La Bastille: A Tech House Art Installation
I know we're all sick of those lists of things to do. You know,
fifty ways to make your roommate hate you, one hundred ways to
alienate everyone, etc. But this site has a bunch of good
work-type pranks and other hijinks, and people can add their own.
Some of them are unfunny, but some are really cruel.
I was just looking at Todd's old columns and they're hilarious.
You people (meaning our readers) never read the columns as much as
the monthly features. What's wrong with you? Guys like Todd are
what make this website worth having. No go back and read what
Holzqopf's Wooden Head Archive
Archived daily sections:
4/25/00 through 02/02/00